The University of the Self #77

Birdsong, Botany and Betterness Part 7

This article is a continuation of part 6, which can be found here.
Read part 8 here.

These are two sunprints made using white paper and yellow tumeric dye. These are two prints made using two bracken leaves. There are yellow silhouettes of the leaves. The leaves are made from many divided fronds with 'serrated' edges, growing in pairs from a central stem. There are many pairs of fronds, starting from wide at the bottom and tapering to a small size at the top.

There is a slight gap in my birding – between the 22^nd and 26^th June, I was preparing for a reading I was giving as part of the Rothbury ‘What a Wonderful World’ festival (26^th June). Also, on the 22^nd June, I began thinking about a pamphlet cover I had been commissioned to create for the ever-amazing Candlestick Press (if anyone is thinking about nature, place and animal poetry, or thinking about inspiring someone to begin exploring these subjects, this press’s stunning selection of themed anthology-pamphlets are a great place to start).

I knew the artwork would involve flowers in some way, so I spent a lot of this time with my thinking cap on. Thinking about art and what form you envisage it having takes a lot of time. I quicky knew in my heart what I wanted to do, but wavered with the necessary courage – did I have the ability to bring this vision to life? Could I manage it?

I can’t share details of the cover as yet, but I can mention where my inspiration lay. For many years I have loved botanical paintings and have an especial fondness for Edith Holden’s, Charlotte Brontë’s, and Henry Terry’s beautiful botanical paintings. I know there are so many incredible botanical artists out there, both historical and contemporary, but I just adore the work of the three I mentioned – three ‘noticers’ who felt a strong desire to paint the flora around them just because they loved it, because the plants were around them where they lived. Could I create flower art the same way? It is hard not to feel intimidated by their exquisite, passionate, delicate work, especially when I always feel like such a galumphing, clumsy person.

I felt the best way to start this was to keep the whole idea to myself – to show nobody, to set no unrealistic expectations. I stretched some paper and marked out the correct cover proportions. What flowers would I use? Why, of course the ones beloved to me – the ones in my own garden, the ones I have grown from seed or seedling over the years – the ones that have grown alongside me as I have grown in confidence as a gardener. Those, and the wildflowers in the field directly behind our cottage back gate which have sent me into ecstasies for the last three years – the ones that fill the acres in front of me while I sit on the bench, communing with the birds: the very field I have already painted and written about here.

I took many reference photographs and made sure I was alone. Then I wetted a paintbrush, stirred the watercolours into life and began. What I learned during this painting was priceless. At first, I overworked so hard to ‘see’ what was there, I failed to replicate the flowers. I quickly learned that I had to stop trying to translate what I was seeing onto the paper. I simply had to paint exactly what was there in front of me and trust each observation, instead of guessing if what I was doing was right or wrong. I just had to observe, paint, observe, paint. No overthinking – just a giving over of the creative self to the flowers; and abandoning of the inner controller. It was like the birding – all I had to do was pay attention to and distil what was there with me. No need to overdecorate what was already perfect. I was away, painting myself into a wonderful new world. I was completely absorbed in the process.

When the cover was completed on 3^rd July, I stood back and could not believe I was the one who had painted it. I really think it is one of the best things I have ever done – and very important as it opened another doorway into noticing. Producing an artwork of something makes you work so much harder at noticing. This is not just a flower, but a peony. Not just a peony but petals, stamen, anther, stigma, filament, carpel, stems, leaves. It is not just pink but shades from deep magenta to palest pearl. Not just light but tones and shadows. Not just edges but frills, curves, lips.

My heart pounded at this epiphany. I was looking like I had never looked before. This was another tool to use in my noticing. My noticing would be better because of this knowledge. I know I am not the first person to arrive at this discovery, but for a few days I felt secret, special, blessed. I have continued to experiment and paint flowers since, and this increased potential for noticing feels so valuable. One of my experiments can be seen at the beginning of this article – I used sun-printing with turmeric dye to make studies of two bracken leaves and was thrilled with the capturing of their silhouettes.

Yes, I do intend at some point to begin painting birds – I am working on the courage to do this, to tell myself that I can, and then I will know each species better than I do now.

Image description: a page from a notebook - the page is dyed and is cream with brown splotches on it. Written in black ink are lists of birds - these birds are listed below.

27^th June, 7.11 a.m. Back. Breezy, damp

Eurasian Blue Tit, Eurasian Skylark, Common Wood-Pigeon, Carrion Crow, Corn Bunting, Great Tit, Eurasian Wren, Dunnock, Redpoll, Eurasian Collared-Dove, Reed Bunting, Eurasian Jackdaw, Yellowhammer, Common Swift, Song Thrush, Eurasian Oystercatcher.

28^th June, 6.14 – 6.45 a.m. Back. Breeze, light rain, chilly, sunny

Common Chiffchaff, Common Chaffinch, Eurasian Wren, European Robin, Eurasian Skylark, Common Wood-Pigeon, Eurasian Blackbird, Goldcrest, Long-tailed Tit, Eurasian Siskin, Great Tit, Red-legged Partridge (?), Dunnock, Carrion Crow, Coal Tit, Eurasian Tree Sparrow, Redpoll, House Sparrow, Song Thrush, Eurasian Oystercatcher, European Goldfinch, Eurasian Collared Dove, Corn Bunting (?), Eurasian Jackdaw.

1^st July, 5.54 – 6.29 a.m. Back. Mizzly, cool, rain

Eurasian Magpie, European Goldfinch, Eurasian Skylark, Common Chiffchaff, Carrion Crow, Eurasian Blue Tit, Common Wood-Pigeon, Eurasian Collared Dove, Eurasian Wren, Great Tit, Eurasian Blackbird, Eurasian Tree Sparrow, Ring-necked Pheasant, Common Chaffinch.

Front

Common Raven, Dunnock, Coal Tit, Goldcrest, House Sparrow, European Robin, Red-legged Partridge (?), Eurasian Treecreeper, Gray Wagtail, Mistle Thrush

8.21 p.m. Back. Warmer

Eurasian Jackdaw, Eurasian Wren, Eurasian Blackbird, Song Thrush, Eurasian Blue Tit, Eurasian Skylark, Green-winged Teal (Iwonder if this is possible – there have been UK sightings, so one never knows!) Goldcrest, European Goldfinch, Dunnock, Eurasian Siskin, Yellowhammer, Common Wood-Pigeon, Ring-necked Pheasant.

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Today (1^st July) was an important, emotional day for me – I had my hospital appointment in the Orthotics department. I have been waiting a few weeks for my leg braces to arrive, having been measured for them in May. It seemed like some kind of serendipity that this day was also the first day of Disability Pride Month. I had the measurements done some weeks ago and today a wonderful person carefully cut, trimmed and sanded them closely to my feet and showed me how they go on. They are very fancy and made from carbon fibre with magnet fastenings, so very easy for hands to use. He said I would feel as if I was being launched and it really does feel like that at first. Hopefully they will help prevent any further deterioration of my ankle joints which are in a bit of a way these days.

I felt unsure and quite wobbly, leaving the hospital with them on, a bit all over the place. Another big change to try and get my head around. I’m not sure what I look like but don't want to feel embarrassed or ashamed. Deep breaths were needed, as well as a lot of physical and mental adjustment. The fitting took a long time, and we chatted about how we had both come to the North East - he from South Africa and I from South Yorkshire and we both agreed there is no place like it, and we love it very much. I hope that it will control the floppiness in my ankle and prevent any further damage to my knees and hips, which have been rotating along with the ankles.

I am so very glad of them – already they are making huge, positive differences to my life. I have waited so long for them, and until I left with them, I still felt fearful that I wouldn’t be allowed them. Earlier on this year, I had an awful appointment with the Physio department, when the person I had a session with accused me of ‘doing it to myself’, and that ‘everyone could get their ankles to do that’. Then, in front of me, they actually tried to do it to prove their point. They couldn’t do so and looked decidedly cross that they couldn’t. Then they went on to say they were going to recommend I didn’t get the braces.

Thankfully, when my assessment and measurement appointment with Orthotics came round, they decided I did need them, of course I needed them. There was still a large part of me that thought that the person from Physio was going to turn up and protest, and make me out to be some sort of liar. They made me feel small, insignificant and ashamed. They really upset me and I was stressed for weeks – people with disabilities aren’t liars and I found it such a strange attitude. I have put this experience into a poem, which will be appearing in a magazine later this year (I am not sure when), so at least I managed to salvage something from the situation. I’m vanishing from my life enough without another someone trying to erase or reduce me even more.

My earlier session of birdnoticing helped to supply some of the strength I needed to get through today, and I thank them so much. Though they have no idea that they did, I express my gratitude anyway, because it feels right to acknowledge them.

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You might have noticed that I have slightly altered the ongoing title of these articles from ‘Birdsong and Betterness’ to ‘Birdsong, Botany and Betterness’. I began with birds and pretty soon, I discovered I couldn’t notice one part of nature without noticing another. I have begun to pay attention to the flowers around me – I don’t mean to say that I have never noticed flowers before – of course I have. I mean it in the same way as I have begun to alter my relationship with birds. They are no longer limped together under the heading ‘birds’. I am working on learning and documenting their precious, valuable individual agencies. I am now making an effort to stop the generic ‘flowers’ and take the time to learn their myriad uniqueness, and name them too.
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Image description: a page from a notebook - the page is dyed and is cream with brown splotches on it. Written in black ink are lists of birds - these birds are listed below. Bottom right is a small, quick, scribbly sketch of the three magpies balanced in the tree, just as I saw them, one on top of the other.

2^nd July, 8.14 a.m. Front. Rainy, chilly

Eurasian Wren, Common Wood-Pigeon, Eurasian Blackbird, Common Chiffchaff, Eurasian Jay, Goldcrest, House Sparrow, Eurasian Blue Tit, Great Tit, Eurasian Skylark, Eurasian Treecreeper, Song Thrush, Eurasian Collared Dove, Eurasian Blackbird, Common Chaffinch, Dunnock.

3^rd July, 8.36 – 8.54 a.m. Back. Already boiling hot

Eurasian Tree Sparrow, Common Chiffchaff, Dunnock, Eurasian Linnet, European Goldfinch, Rook, Eurasian Skylark, Eurasian Jackdaw, Yellowhammer, Common Wood-Pigeon, Eurasian Blackbird, Carrion Crow.

4^th July, 8.47 – 9.02 a.m. Back. Overcast, muggy

Eurasian Goldfinch, Eurasian Blue Tit, Bank Swallow, Eurasian Skylark, Eurasian Blackbird, Eurasian Wren.

Watching flashes of Goldfinch rush past, golden bullets.

Common Wood-Pigeon, Great Tit, Eurasian Jackdaw, Common Chiffchaff, Song Thrush.

Seed pods like pea pods (currently trying to identify the flower).

Image description: a watercolour painting I have done of some seed pods in the wildflower field. I am yet to identify them. There are three pods - the one in the middle is the largest, the one at the top is smaller and the obe at the bottom is smaller again. They are wobbly as if they have round beads inside them. The pods are attached to thin stems and the pods have lines in them, They are all green and the background is green too.

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The following morning, I decided to try something different. I thought it might be interesting to notice which of the birds here really was the ‘early bird’. I wrote down the time the each made their appearance.

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5^th July, 4.25 a.m. Front. Windy, overcast

Goldcrest (the most vocal), Common Chiffchaff, Eurasian Wren, European Robin, Carrion Crow 4.28 a.m,

The chiffchaff is so loud it regularly wakes me up.
Seagull flew over, 4.31 a.m.

Eurasian Blackcap, 4.33 a.m., Coal Tit & Eurasian Blackbird 4.34 a.m., Eurasian Oystercatcher 4.35 a.m.

Watching a gull ride the buffets of air.

Iberian Chiffchaff 4.39 a.m (? probably not - it is a rare visitor) only rarely spotted in the UK), Common Wood-Pigeon 4.40 a.m., Eurasian Jay 4.45 a.m., Eurasian Siskin, 4.47 a.m., Eurasian Skylark 4.55 a.m.

Jays calling loudly, 4.55 a.m.
The sunlight starts to hit the pine trees & light the trunks and branches a deep red gold, 4.58 a.m.

Eurasian Blue Tit 4.58 a.m., Marsh Tit 4.59 a.m. (? Song Thrush 4.59 a.m., Great Tit 5.01 a.m., Sedge Warbler 5.01 a.m. (? I would say there was a strong possibility), Eurasian Magpie 5.03 a.m.

Kestrel flew over 5.05 a.m.
Smaller gulls flew over 5.06 a.m.
Eurasian Collared Dove 5.08 a.m.

Jasmine scent becomes present.

Common Cuckoo 5.09 a.m. (? maybe. I cannot claim with certainty)

The three magpies sit for a long time in the elderflower tree.

Long-tailed Tit 5.14 a.m., Eurasian Treecreeper 5.15 a.m., Spotted Flycatcher 5.16 a.m. (? yes, research shows it is widespread in the U.K.).

Swallows / Swifts / Martins flying over all the while (I need to learn the differences between these birds).

Eurasian Tree Sparrow 5.21 a.m.

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